Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Announcement: Earliest Extant Transcript (EET) Scriptures Now Available

As requested by those who have worked on the project of restoring the LDS scriptures back to their most original form, I am posting their announcement about this project below. This is not an effort I had any part in, but one I am very grateful for (and I know it had to have been a massive effort). I'm also making the digital copies available here on the sidebar to the right. For more information on this project click on the website link on the announcement below.

A small group of us has spent most of the year going through the Book of Mormon, the Doctrine and Covenants and the Pearl of Great Price, reaching back to the original manuscripts to get as true a version of what Joseph offered us as possible and showing what changes have happened since his death. We are getting bids to have a triple combination volume printed in the coming months. For the moment we want to make people aware of this effort. Electronic versions of the scriptures are free for download at in Word, PDF and some ebook formats. There are also instructions for using a Kindle reader or app with the PDFs as an ebook. The PDFs give a clear representation of how the volume will look. 
We will notify everyone when orders can be placed for your own copies. We are trying to keep the cost to around $20 per copy. These will be printed on biblestock paper and will have large margins for easy note taking. An effort to produce a complete JST bible is also underway. A complete Kindle JST KJV is available by Ken Lutes on Amazon. He is the one working on a complete print version. When that work is ready to order we will let you know. He is not a part of this movement. 
This volume of scripture is not "official" to the Remnant Movement in any sense, and we hope they may be of interest to Mormons of all types. While many of us felt inspired during the process, we offer this volume as a gift to our Lord and to our friends and families. Feel free to take this work and improve on it. 

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Moroni, Joseph Smith, and Present-day Utah

Do you believe God give signs to the people of the world? Do you believe He gives signs to His people? Even today?

If you believe in the scriptures, you should believe this too. They are riddled through with examples of God doing just that.

Considering that, should these signs mean something to us?

If you identify as a Utahn and/or LDS, there are three occurrences you need to consider (I'm sure there are others, but I will specifically be addressing these three).

You can read about the first one from June 15, 2009 here:

You can read about the second one from May 22, 2016 (nearly 7 years after the first one mentioned) here:

and here:

The last one was the most recent, occurring an exact 4 months after the previous. You can read about it here:

and see more here:

It almost appears as though someone is trying to get our attention.

Concerning the first two

I've already directed you to the blog, To the Remnant, where the author does a great job of describing why the particular occurrence on May 22, 2016 is significant, so I'll try not to repeat what has been said there, here.

I'll just say this, lightening and thunderings in the scriptures are used in description of the power of God.

Moroni is a symbol that sits atop temples with the words "Holiness to the Lord" and "the House of the Lord" inscribed on them. To dismiss these things as just happenstance is to rob yourself of the opportunity to ask wisdom of God, and to receive an answer, because it is those that ask, that get the answers. And no, the verse in James does not say that those that lack wisdom should ask of another person, or should counsel with an expert. It says you should ask of God... for yourself.

You will get answers from the sources that you seek answers from. So if you want an answer from God, He's the one that you need to be seeking an answer from directly.

I was made aware of the significance of the first occurrence from something I was shown in the Spirit seven days after my baptism of fire. I have yet to discuss that information here. I will not be going into it in full detail, but just the parts that are important for this post.

I was drawn to the significance of where the lightning struck and disfigured the statue from 2009. As you can see, the first one was struck in the face, its right arm, and the trumpet which is pointed East, where Jesus Christ is expected to come from when He returns in glory. Likewise, the second was struck in the face with such force that it appears to have burst through the statue's back as well.

Let's talk about the face

There are a few things that are significant about the face. The feature that was pointed out to me was the eyes. With the eyes we see. Unfortunately, these statues seem to have been struck blind.

If this is a sign, what is the significance of that for us?

Other features housed on the face are the mouth (one cannot blow a trumpet triumphantly without one), and the ears (one cannot hear without those).

It's almost as though these poor graven images of Moroni are left like the individuals that Isaiah and Jesus addressed: 
"Therefore speak I to them in parables: because they seeing see not; and hearing they hear not, neither do they understand. And in them is fulfilled the prophecy of Esaias, which saith, By hearing ye shall hear, and shall not understand; and seeing ye shall see, and shall not perceive: For this people's heart is waxed gross, and their ears are dull of hearing, and their eyes they have closed; lest at any time they should see with their eyes, and hear with their ears, and should understand with their heart, and should be converted, and I should heal them." Matthew 13:13-15

The significance of September 22, 2016

Some other things have occurred historically in the church on the day Utah was overtaken by the storm this year.

On the evening of September 21 continuing on into the morning of the 22nd in 1823 (precisely 193 years ago), an angel identified in the Joseph Smith History as "Moroni" appeared to Joseph Smith, Jr after he prayed to know of his "state and standing" before God.
"In consequence of these things, I often felt condemned for my weakness and imperfections; when, on the evening of the above-mentioned twenty-first of September, after I had retired to my bed for the night, I betook myself to prayer and supplication to Almighty God for forgiveness of all my sins and follies, and also for a manifestation to me, that I might know of my state and standing before him; for I had full confidence in obtaining a divine manifestation, as I previously had one." Pearl of Great Price, Joseph Smith--History 1:29
On September 22, 1827, 4 years after the angel's appearance to Joseph Smith in his room, this same angel delivered the the Book of Mormon plates into Joseph Smith's care. Joseph Smith History 1:59. You can read a little bit more about the significance of that date in this article by John Pratt.

That makes the last occurrence on September 22, 2016 the anniversary for two events involving an angel identified in our scriptures as Moroni, making three events in our time that tie in with that same angel.

Is it just a coincidence?

September 22, 2016 was also the first day of Autumn.

I'm not going to pretend to know all the significance that the first day of Autumn (or Fall) has. The little I do understand is that the solstices and equinoxes form the 4 corners of the earth. The autumnal equinox in particular is when light and dark take up equal parts of that day. To say it another way, light and dark are equally balanced on the equinox, this balance also signalling the darkness that increases every night thereafter.

On this day of balance in Utah however, there was more darkness than light. We were met this day with tempest instead. The kind of which we almost NEVER encounter in Utah.

Is that significant?

What does it mean?

It's your turn

I am not answering the questions asked here. I think any answers to what is posed here is best offered by God through seeking and prayer.
"How oft have I called upon you by the mouth of my servants, and by the ministering of angels, and by mine own voice, and by the voice of thunderings, and by the voice of lightnings, and by the voice of tempests, and by the voice of earthquakes, and great hailstorms, and by the voice of famines and pestilences of every kind, and by the great sound of a trump, and by the voice of judgment, and by the voice of mercy all the day long, and by the voice of glory and honor and the riches of eternal life, and would have saved you with an everlasting salvation, but ye would not!" D&C 43:25
Is all well in Zion (2 Nephi 28:21)?

Or do we have a responsibility to ourselves to look into what these signs mean, despite what we are being told elsewhere?

The conclusion you come to is going depend on the state of your heart: do you want to know the truth no matter what that reveals about you? Or do you want a pat on the back and to be told you are right?

I highly suspect that if this is God signalling something of importance to us, the indications of that will not end with these three occurrences. There will be more. For instance, there are more in the verse above that were not answered in my three examples.

A confession

I feel the need to confess a weakness of stupidity. It should have been written weeks ago. There are times when I fear people's opinions and the repercussions of their displeasure more than I fear God. It's so much easier to say nothing, but it isn't always right to do so. Sometimes I am very slow to act when the Spirit directs me.'s worse than that. Most of the time I am slow to respond. So slow. I'm grateful that God is longsuffering, because He definitely suffers long waiting on me to follow His will.

I'm sorry I took so long to address this.

Finishing thoughts

In finishing this out, I'll direct you to study the words of the angel to Joseph Smith and the scriptures he quoted in the Joseph Smith History. See if they have significance to our current day. Study the words that Moroni left for us.

I highly suspect Moroni is not pleased with how his name and his golden image are used to adorn the temples today.

Yes, as stated in the latest General Conference, Moroni truly did see us, and these were the words he used to describe us:
"Behold, the Lord hath shown unto me great and marvelous things concerning that which must shortly come, at that day when these things shall come forth among you. Behold, I speak unto you as if ye were present, and yet ye are not. But behold, Jesus Christ hath shown you unto me, and I know your doing. And I know that ye do walk in the pride of your hearts, unto the wearing of very fine apparel, unto envying, and strifes, and malice, and persecutions, and all manner of iniquities; and your churches, yea, even every one, have become polluted because of the pride of your hearts. For behold, ye do love money, and your substance, and your fine apparel, and the adorning of your churches, more than ye love the poor and the needy, the sick and the afflicted. O, ye pollutions, ye hypocrites, ye teachers, who sell yourselves for that which will canker, why have ye polluted the holy church of God? Why are ye ashamed to take upon you the name of Christ? Why do ye not think that greater is the value of an endless happiness than that misery which never dies--because of the praise of the world? Why do ye adorn yourselves with that which hath no life, and yet suffer the hungry, and the needy, and the naked, and the sick and the afflicted to pass by you, and notice them not?" Mormon 8:34-38

If you find after some honest study and prayer on the matter that you are indeed in need of recommitment to The Lord, I suggest you consider and pray about baptism according to the Doctrine of Christ as your way to witness of this. The way Jesus gave us to correctly administer and receive it can be found in 3 Nephi 11. You can click on this Born of Water link to learn more.

A final word from Moroni:
"And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost." Moroni 10:4 

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Setting up Stakes... in a bad way

The word "stakes" in an LDS setting is usually used in one of two ways. One is used in describing the different stakes of the church (or group of wards), the other is in the context of campouts and staking a tent (a great deal of that revolving around scouting, I'm sure). Because of this, the first time I heard it used outside of these two contexts, used to denote something negative, I was very confused and had to look into it a bit more.

Here are some quotes from Joseph Smith, using "stakes" in a third way:

“The great thing for us to know is to comprehend what God did institute before the foundation of the world. Who knows it? It is the constitutional disposition of mankind to set up stakes and set bounds to the works and ways of the Almighty.” History of the Church, 5:529–30
“I say to all those who are disposed to set up stakes for the Almighty, You will come short of the glory of God.” History of the Church, 5:554
“I cannot believe in any of the different denominations, because they all have some things in them I cannot subscribe to, though all of them have some truth. I want to come up into the presence of God, and learn all things; but the creeds set up stakes, and say, “Hitherto shalt thou come, and no further”; which I cannot subscribe to.” DHC 6:57
Used this way, setting up stakes is like putting down anchors around ourselves that keep us from progressing. Joseph warned us that it's the disposition of man to do this.

I've seen it in family members, in my friends, and, of course, in myself, this staking of ourselves to a certain place. It's as if we are telling God, "I'll go here, but no further." or "I'll believe this, but don't ask me to believe anything across that line over there." We make expectations for how God can work in our lives. We limit what we are able to learn, by striking things off the list of what we are willing to learn, willing to accept. We tether ourselves to our traditions, to our fears, to so many other things.

God is merciful, and He's willing to work with us. He will reveal our stakes to us one by one, and help us remove them... IF we are willing to let Him. IF we want to follow Him and come to Him more than we want to cling to our precious stakes. If we really do love Him more than that.

The thing about some of the biggest stakes we put down, is that we often think they are from Him, and we are unwilling to listen when He tries to explain that they are not.

I have this image in my head of a gigantic hand of God reaching down to pluck something away from an individual, and the individual clinging to this object like a life raft, saying "Stop! I need that." And God gently explaining, "No, you really don't. Trust me."

Let's listen to His Spirit a little more, and learn to trust Him more than we have.


I was mulling over this post this morning, feeling like something was missing until I realized what it was: specific examples from you good people! Please, if you read this post, put a comment finishing the phrase: "I will follow you, God, but..." Your addition should be a stake you've discovered and had to remove in order to follow God. I've opened up the comments for a limited time so that everyone who wants to add their comment can.

I think it may potentially be eye-opening for us to see what others have recognized, in case we have pounded in that same stake.

I have tons of answers to use, but I'll start it off with one: I will follow you, God, but not if you tell me I'm wrong, when I think I'm right.

Sunday, May 29, 2016

Modern Witnesses of Jesus Christ

I highly recommend visiting this site, which contains personal witnesses of Jesus Christ, and the individuals' journeys to seeing the Lord.

Latter Day Witnesses

It does happen still today. And it can to any individual who follows D&C 93:1.

The Lullaby of Slumber and the Song of Morning

"Wherefore he saith, Awake thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give thee light." Ephesians 5:14

The song of morning will always sound discordant while the song of slumber plays. They are not harmonious. The one rudely bids the sleeper wake, while the other flatters them to sleep in an endless lullaby. It is only when one disregards the song of slumber entirely that the beauty of the song of morning can at last be heard, at last be understood, and then the desire to slumber away is far gone, and the song that beckons one back to their pillows becomes the one that sounds discordant.

Any food eaten while slumbering, any drink that is drunk, is done in dream and cannot nourish our bellies. "Yea, it shall be unto them, even as unto a hungry man which dreameth, and behold he eateth but he awaketh and his soul is empty; or like unto a thirsty man which dreameth, and behold he drinketh but he awaketh and behold he is faint, and his soul hath appetite..." 2 Nephi 27:3.

It does not end with waking. Waking is the morning, and there is the day to get through. The journey is only beginning and pursuing it remains the responsibility of the waker. Where will you go? What will you do? 

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Another Casualty

With so much going on, and the comfort I have felt in the face of it, this blog post has been put off for longer than I intended. I'm not really sure where to begin. I'm not really sure how to explain all that has happened with me.

I think I'll start with Amos.


Amos was an Old Testament prophet that, like all the other prophets before and after him in the Old Testament, foretold the destruction of Israel. He lived among an idolatrous people, people who followed after prophets, who, rather than declaring repentance among the people, prophesied lies of peace. These were the prophets the people were mostly listening to. 

And who was Amos?

When Amos was told to stop prophesying his inconvenient prophecies of destruction, this is what he had to say about who he was:

Then answered Amos, and said to Amaziah, I was no prophet, neither was I a prophet's son; but I was an herdman, and a gatherer of sycomore fruit: And the Lord took me as I followed the flock, and the Lord said unto me, Go, prophesy unto my people Israel. Now therefore hear thou the word of the Lord: Thou sayest Prophesy not against Israel, and drop not thy word against the house of Isaac. Therefore thus saith the Lord; Thy wife shall be an harlot in the city, and thy sons and thy daughters shall fall by the sword, and thy land shall be divided by line; and thou shalt die in a polluted land and Israel shall surely go into captivity forth of his land. Amos 7:14-17
Amos, as it turns out, was just an ordinary herdman, until the Lord called him to prophesy against his own people.

As I read this several weeks back, I couldn't help but see how God is really unchanging. I am nothing like Amos. I am not a prophet/ess, or anything like that. But I was called by God to bear testimony, which I describe briefly here, and which I have done on this blog. I claim His authority to do this, since it was given me to do by Him. I offer no apologies for that, only for my imperfectness in doing it. No one is more aware of my weaknesses and failings than I am. I sought nothing in writing this blog but to lead people to have faith in Jesus Christ, and show there is a need for repentance. And I felt inadequate for this task. But I was reminded that it is by the weak and simple that God accomplishes His work.

Like Amos, my task was not met with acceptance.

So I guess that begs the question, do we still believe God calls us personally to do things? Has He changed that? Does he change?

Some backstory and a why for those who don't understand

I began this blog with very safe topics. I would have been fine keeping the problems with what we teach now to myself forever (in fact I would have preferred it), were it not for something that occurred in August of 2014. As I sat in fast & testimony under the direction of the Spirit to just listen to what was being said, the Lord also interpreted two dreams for me I had been pondering over and not understood. He tied it all together in one great heap of understanding, that showed to me I had a choice: I could speak up and warn the people around me of what was going on; or I could keep the peace, and carry as much of the blood/sins/iniquity of the people on me as the ones who were responsible for causing it in the first place.

Testimony of this principle can be found here:
Behold I sent you out to testify and warn the people, and it becometh every man who hath been warned to warn his neighbor. Therefore they are left without excuse, and their sins are upon their own heads. D&C 88:81-21
But if the watchman see the sword come, and blow not the trumpet, and the people be not warned; if the sword come, and take any person from among them, he is taken away in his iniquity; but his blood will I require at the watchman’s hand. Ezekiel 33:6
Having a personal witness of this principle, and a personal reason and responsibility to speak up, I began this series of posts, and later came others that were equally disliked including this one. The most offensive ones are the same ones I was prompted to write. I have been called a wolf in sheep's clothing because of this, which is ironic, given my post about the topic.

I am not anti-mormon. I never was.

I am pro repentance.

I have done what I've done out of a process of repentance and trusting in the Lord and His guidance for me. I fully believe that the only way to the Father, is through the Son. I fully believe the Book of Mormon is true, and Joseph Smith the true prophet of the restoration.

But the church has a problem when it favors the commandments of men over the commandments of God.

I have been accused of losing my testimony in the church and the brethren, despite my explanations that, this is not what has occurred. I have only gained and strengthened testimony in God and His ways since I set out two and a half years ago to do that very thing. But there's an interesting thing that happens when you have a sincere desire to learn what is true of the Lord. He'll tell you, and you'll realize the things you were mistaken in. He'll show you your unbelief in the form of things you assumed had to be true, that weren't quite. You'll realize there was a bigger picture you couldn't see before. And how truly wise and amazing God is. His ways are greater than you understood before. He is unchanging. And you won't miss those unbeliefs that hedged you up, and held you back. You will be strengthened for letting them go.

An unbelief to let go

I'm embarrassed to admit how long it actually took for me to believe what God kept telling me, through witness after witness, scripture after scripture. Months. I really had a dependence on the brethren being it. I really adored and wanted to put my trust in them. I relished General Conference. I waited with bated breath for their "special witness" testimonies at the end of their remarks, fully believing that every one of them met with Jesus face to face, and knew Him as I had always desired to.

But again, I had pled with the Lord to teach me His principles with an unshakeable certainty, so I could weather the spiritual storm I felt I had been enduring. And so, He brought to me the words of His messenger today, a messenger already cast out by his stake at the behest of a certain member of the 12, with an appeal denied by none other than the first presidency. I compared words and appearances of this messenger with the ones that appeared behind a pulpit every six months. In appearances the brethren were looking favorable, but in words...

There's a good reason truth is called a sword. It cuts right through you, to the core of your soul, and shows you your error, which nothing but turning to God and crying to Him for forgiveness can cure.

In words, the messenger's were the ones God testified of to me, and there was a stark contrast between what he was saying, and what the ones I had been depending on were saying. They weren't artfully said, they weren't silver-tongued, they weren't flattering, they didn't testify of him, they pointed instead to only Him, to God, to His Son in a purity that has been lost. They were scripture, and I'm not saying it the way we say everything the brethren say is scripture. I mean, he was teaching scriptures. He didn't insist we needed to follow him. He insisted on Christ, and his knowledge of Christ was intimate in a way we do not know in this generation. In a way we need to regain again.

And months after realizing this, but insisting in my mind that all must still be good with our leaders, I finally came with a question before the Lord as I sat in the temple one night. I wrote this in my journal and will finally share it now, because it is my testimony. It is my witness that I mentioned at the end of this post here.

Saturday 12/21/13
It's just past midnight, and I just got home from cleaning the Oquirrh Mountain Temple for the second night in a row. Tonight I was pondering in prayer and in my heart whether I should sustain the leaders of the church this next conference or oppose them. I was conflicted because when I think of the brethren or look at them I see good men, who I think are trying to do their best, so I couldn't without good reason think of opposing them, but tonight while waiting in the Baptistry for my cleaning assignment, the answers came to me. It began by my wondering if this was becoming an issue because of their recent articles that make them into hypocrites in my opinion (in saying that the past leaders erred in judgement, though they teach that as current leaders they cannot lead us astray). I said a prayer asking God if I should sustain Thomas S. Monson as a true prophet, and felt a No. I asked if I should sustain the 12, and felt a No. I asked if I should oppose, and felt a Yes. I told the Lord that if I were to do this I would like to know, Why? And so the answer came: 
It is because they were offered a chance (through the witness's words, excommunication, and appeal) to finally accept the fullness of the gospel for the church, having the evidence before them that the church rejected this in the early days too.  It was their chance to rectify this, and instead they rejected it, again and for the last time as a church. 
By doing this they have sealed the church's fate, and make themselves a stumbling block for the members, preventing them from the fullness of the gospel as well (which is to see/know Jesus Christ and the Father, John 17:3).
Therefore, by sustaining our leaders this next conference in April, we are accepting their decision, and condoning the rejection of the fullness, which is rejecting Jesus Christ himself. That is why I must oppose, or else seal my fate to theirs.
I later found confirmation of this principle in the scriptures, which I wrote about in the first post of this blog. Amazingly enough, months after I recorded this in my journal other witnesses came forward testifying of the same occurrence in April 2014.
In the mouth of two or three witnesses shall every word be established. 2 Corinthians 13:1
Still, me being me, I found myself at the temple a month or so later, again with a prayer in my heart. Again wondering, Lord, how could it be so? Specifically I was asking about President Monson. I kept insisting in my heart this couldn't extend to him. That it had to be some kind of misunderstanding, so that this sweet old man could still be golden in my eyes.

The scriptures say that God reasons with us as one man reasons with another. I know that this is true. He has a way of helping you understand why something is true, before just handing you the answer. He'll show you scriptures, he'll ask you questions, to get you the understanding you desire. So as I sat again in the temple with this question, he asked me a different question, "Can a prophet of God reject the word of God, and remain a prophet of God?"

Well, logically... no. He can't. One of two things must be the case: either the prophet isn't a prophet of God, or the word isn't the word of God. God had been patient in confirming to me (repeatedly, of course, because I kept asking) that it was His word and His message. He had shown me through scriptures, through prayer, through study. And the only thing holding me to the first ideal was my traditions, my desire for it to be so, my unbelief.

And so, I finally decided to believe the Lord.

But they can't lead us astray, right?

Yes, that's what they keep saying. And if it were true the scriptures would verify that. An unchanging God would have consistent examples of it. There would be precedent. Let's go over what the scriptures do have to say about the matter.

As for my people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them. O my people, they which lead thee cause thee to err, and destroy the way of thy paths. Isaiah 3:12
The ancient and the honourable, he is the head; and the prophet that teacheth lies, he is the tail. For the leaders of this people cause them to err; and they that are led of them are destroyed. Isaiah 9:16
But they also have erred through wine, and through strong drink are out of the way; the priest and the prophet have erred through strong drink, they are swallowed up of wine, they are out of the way through strong drink; they err in vision, they stumble in judgmentIsaiah 28:7
O Lord, why hast thou suffered us to err from thy ways, and to harden our heart from thy fear? Return for thy servants' sake, the tribes of thine inheritance. JST Isaiah 63:17
Mischief shall come upon mischief, and rumour shall be upon rumour; then shall they seek a vision of the prophet; but the law shall perish from the priest, and counsel from the ancients. Ezekiel 7:26 
Son of man, prophesy against the prophets of Israel that prophesy, and say thou unto them that prophesy out of their own hearts, Hear ye the word of the Lord; Thus saith the Lord God; Woe unto the foolish prophets, that follow their own spirit, and have seen nothing! Ezekiel 13:2-3 
They have seen vanity and lying divination, saying, The Lord saith: and the Lord hath not sent them: and they have made others to hope that they would confirm the word. Have ye not seen a vain vision, and have ye not spoken a lying divination, whereas ye say, The Lord saith it; albeit I have not spoken? Therefore thus saith the Lord God; Because ye have spoken vanity, and seen lies, therefore, behold, I am against you, saith the Lord God. And mine hand shall be upon the prophets that see vanity, and that divine lies: they shall not be in the assembly of my people, neither shall they be written in the writing of the house of Israel, neither shall they enter into the land of Israel; and ye shall know that I am the Lord God. Because, even because they have seduced my people, saying, Peace; and there was no peace; Ezekiel 13:6-10 
And her prophets have daubed them with untempered mortar, seeing vanity, and divining lies unto them, saying, Thus saith the Lord God, when the Lord hath not spoken. Ezekiel 22:28
Therefore, O ye shepherds, hear the word of the Lord; Thus saith the Lord God; Behold, I am against the shepherds; and I will require my flock at their hand, and cause them to cease from feeding the flock; neither shall the shepherds feed themselves any more; for I will deliver my flock from their mouth, that they may not be meat for them. For thus saith the Lord God; Behold, I, even I, will both search my sheep, and seek them out. Ezekiel 34:9-11 
Let them alone: they be blind leaders of the blind. And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch. Matt 15:14 
And let us not forget Annas and Caiaphas who held (and had held) the equivalent calling of the president of the LDS church, that of high priest, were the ones that determined Jesus Christ needed to die (Matt 26:3-4).
Thus saith the Lord of hosts, Hearken not unto the words of the prophets that prophesy unto you: they make you vain: they speak a vision of their own heart, and not out of the mouth of the Lord. They say still unto them that despise me, The Lord hath said, Ye shall have peace; and they say unto every one that walketh after the imagination of his own heart, No evil shall come upon you. Jeremiah 23:16-17

How many times will we hear and accept the vanity of being called a chosen generation? So many generations and chosen people before us believed similar things. So many of them failed to live up to those things.
O ye workers of iniquity; ye that are puffed up in the vain things of the world, ye that have professed to have known the ways of righteousness nevertheless have gone astray as sheep having no shepherd, notwithstanding a shepherd hath called after you and is still calling after you, but ye will not hearken unto his voice! Behold, I say unto you, that the good shepherd doth call you; yea and in his own name doth he call you, which is the name of Christ; and if ye will not hearken unto the voice of the good shepherd, to the name by which ye are called, behold, ye are not the sheep of the good shepherd. Alma 5:37-38

Here is the truth. God offers us choices and invitations. God honors our agency, from the least person to the mightiest. He has always allowed us that agency, whether we go astray, or whether we follow Him. He has never in any generation taken that choice from us. He is unchanging.

The only safety is and ever was in following Him, for ourselves, as every true prophet did from the beginning of time until now.

That we can not be lead astray by our leaders is not His doctrine. What vanity is it that allows a person to believe they are incapable of erring in their calling? What vanity is it that teaches their followers to believe it? Who is the source of vain teachings? It is not God. It is someone else. Someone who wants us to lean on something other than God Himself, and thereby mislead us. This is idolatry, and is not scriptural, or from God. History and scripture show He does not teach this. So if someone is teaching it, you can know from where that doctrine came.

This is what Joseph Smith taught on the matter:
"If any man writes to you, or preaches to you, doctrines contrary to the Bible, the Book of Mormon, or the Book of Doctrine & Covenants, set him down as an impostor...Try them by the principles contained in the acknowledged word of God; if they preach, or teach, or practice contrary to that, disfellowship them; cut them off from among you as useless and dangerous branches.” Times & Seasons Vol 5, pg 490

Whatever we teach or are taught needs to be consistent with the scriptures. It can't operate separate from them. It can't take precedent over them, while contradicting what they teach.

I wonder how long those who tell us they can't lead us astray will continue to forward revelation that God does not claim as His own, and require the members to abide by it.
The anger of the Lord shall not return, until he have executed, and till he have performed the thoughts of his heart: in the latter days ye shall consider it perfectly. I have not sent these prophets, yet they ran: I have not spoken to them, yet they prophesied. But if they had stood in my counsel, and had caused my people to hear my words, then they should have turned them from their evil way, and from the evil of their doings. Jeremiah 23:20-22
I wonder how far it will go, and how opposite to the scriptures it will have to be before no one buys into it anymore. It has already happened, contradicting Jesus' own words given to us in purity in 3 Nephi of the Book of Mormon. My guess is that it will continue, and get worse. My hope is that as it does, more people will see it for what it is and turn to the Lord with whole heart.

When the people of Israel realized they were in error before God, they would call a solemn assembly, wearing sackcloth and ashes. They would gather together, mourn, and repent as a people. Instead of this, our leaders can't admit fault, so it is spun by the PR department. It is covered, or blamed on someone who came before and is long passed, who can't defend themselves. There are no apologies, or corrections for what they say, even when it's wrong. There is only room for excusing it, covering it. This is not godly.

The path of the prophets was meant to show us our path. As Adam, Abraham, Joseph of Egypt, Moses, Samuel, David, Isaiah, Ezekiel, Jeremiah, Daniel, Lehi, Nephi, John the Baptist, Christ, Peter, Paul, John the Beloved, Alma, the brother of Jared, Moroni, and Joseph Smith came to know God for themselves, so are we to do the same. A wise man has said that religion is meant to be personal. It is meant to be repeatable. They came to show us by example what we ought to do. We can't receive the same outcome they did by following a lesser path. We can't receive Celestial blessings by following a Telestial law.

You want to show your children what makes the Book of Mormon so important? Show them Nephi's journey to knowing the Lord. He gave the most plain and precious parts of that in the very beginning of the book, step by step, until he enters into the presence of Jesus Christ. Teach them to do the same for themselves.

Teach them what the beginning of Lehi's dream means:
...for behold, methought I saw in my dream, a dark and dreary wilderness. And it came to pass that I saw a man, and he was dressed in a white robe; and he came and stood before me. And it came to pass that he spake unto me, and bade me follow him. And it came to pass that as I followed him I beheld myself that I was in a dark and dreary waste. And after I had traveled for the space of many hours in darkness, I began to pray unto the Lord that he would have mercy on me, according to the multitude of his tender mercies. And it came to pass after I had prayed unto the Lord I beheld a large and spacious field. And it came to pass that I beheld a tree, whose fruit was desirable to make one happy. 1 Nephi 8:4-10

The man robed as an authoritative figure, who bade Lehi to follow him, led him into a dark and dreary waste. It wasn't until he prayed for deliverance from the Lord that he was able to witness and partake of the fruit of the tree of life. As it was for him, so is it for us.

Just as Lehi was taught, so did Nephi learn and understand, teaching the same principle to us:

O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm. 2 Nephi 4:34
Cursed is he that putteth his trust in man, or maketh flesh his arm, or shall hearken unto the precepts of men, save their precepts shall be given by the power of the Holy Ghost. 2 Nephi 28:31

Our willingness to sacrifice in service to the Lord will show how pure our hearts are in following him

The choice to follow God is the choice to do it at whatever it will cost you.

I've heard it said in Sunday School before that we aren't asked to sacrifice a lot as members. It's not that hard. That may be true of the church. It is not true of taking up your cross and following Jesus Christ.

So said Joseph Smith in Lecture Six of the Lectures on Faith (aka the Doctrine part of the Doctrine and Covenants):
Let us here observe, that a religion that does not require the sacrifice of all things, never has power sufficient to produce the faith necessary unto life and salvation; for from the first existence of man, the faith necessary unto the enjoyment of life and salvation never could be obtained without the sacrifice of all earthly things; it was through this sacrifice, and this only, that God has ordained that men should enjoy eternal life; and it is through the medium of the sacrifice of all earthly things, that men do actually know that they are doing the things that are well pleasing in the sight of God. When a man has offered in sacrifice all that he has for the truth's sake, not even withholding his life, and believing before God that he has been called to make this sacrifice, because he seeks to do his will, he does know most assuredly that God does and will accept his sacrifice and offering, and that he has not nor will not seek his face in vain. Under these circumstances then, he can obtain the faith necessary for him to lay hold on eternal life. 
It is in vain for persons to fancy to themselves that they are heirs with those, or can be heirs with them, who have offered their all in sacrifice, and by this means obtained faith in God and favor with him so as to obtain eternal life, unless they in like manner offer unto him the same sacrifice, and through that offering obtain the knowledge that they are accepted of him.
To follow what I had been taught, and what I have previously described I was instructed to do required me to make choices, each one involving a sacrifice. Each one was difficult.

We call good evil and evil good

The problem with adding the precepts of men to the word of God, as well intended as they may be, is that we cease to recognize what is good as good.

Ask any child what they should do in this situation (which turned out to be my own situation): God has directly told you to do something, but people who claim to be called of God are telling you to do the opposite. They tell you that what God told you to do is wrong. Which are you required to do?

It seems obvious, doesn't it?

You always do what God has asked you to do.

And there's scriptural precedent for it, which I wanted to add but is too long to put here. Please read it, 1 Kings 13, paying attention to the JST which clarifies that the prophet did not lie to the man of God.

But we have forgotten this simple truth, and have substituted policies of men for judgement, which leads us to err. Which leads us to misplace our trust.

The Pharisees did the same thing in Jesus' time. How many times did they accuse Him of trespassing the law when his disciples picked corn from a field when they were hungry on the Sabbath, when he healed on the Sabbath, when He sat with publicans and sinners, when his disciples ate bread without first washing their hands, again and again and again? They missed the signs because they were fixated on a set of corrupt rules. The plain and precious truths of their faith had been replaced, which Jesus pointed out to them, and they hated Him for it. The ones that should have recognized Him, did not.

Is it any wonder He ceased to accept their version of baptism and their authority to perform it?
Then said the Pharisees unto him, Why will ye not receive us with our baptism, seeing we keep the whole law? But Jesus said unto them, Ye keep not the law. If ye had kept the law, ye would have received me, for I am he who gave the law. I receive not you with your baptism, because it profiteth you nothing. For when that which is new is come, the old is ready to be put away. JST Matt 9:18-21
This is strikingly similar to the answer I got when inquiring of God about getting rebaptized. Because this church, its leaders, and, where applicable, its people have in essence rejected the word of God (as I described in my witness above). A new baptism is required, which as it turns out is the same as the old baptism in 3 Nephi 11.

Show your willingness in following the Lord, show Him you do not reject Him or His word. Come to the waters of baptism.

I will say, that it is mind-blowing the opposition that rears its head when you begin the journey of knowing God for yourself. When the degree of righteousness increases, so will the opposition. It will come from what seems like all directions. It will come from sources you never expected. It will appear and feel insurmountable at times. But do not fear. There is no amount of darkness that can overcome the light that is God, that is truth, love, and good. God will make a way for your escape. Put your trust in Him and He will deliver you.

Another Casuality

A family member of mine, shared this video with me a couple days ago. I found it remarkably applicable, considering a scripture I will share afterwards, that this phenomenon is occurring in other faiths. Thousands of Mormons have been rebaptised now, as I have also, because we felt the need and the call to show the repentance in our hearts, because we felt the need for a renewal.

We call this evil?
And, again, I say unto you, go ye into the world, and care not for the world; for the world will hate you, and will persecute you, and will turn you out of their synagogues. Nevertheless, ye shall go forth from house to house, teaching the people; and I will go before you. JST Matt 6:25-26
Synagogues, churches, places of worship, these are the places people should know better, and yet these are the places where true followers of God are cast out.

I count myself one of the latest casualties of this time honored tradition of man.

It is happening on a larger scale than just me in our church. A much larger scale, so much so that I am a cliche at this point. This wonderful post I came across today describes exactly the problem with this: When Ye Shall Cast out Righteous from Among You.

The Lord is my comfort

I talked earlier about sacrifice and about being given the choice between doing what God gave for me to do, and what others were insisting I do. What I haven't mentioned yet is what occurred last summer when I made my choice about who to follow and acted on it.

There is this knowledge that occurs as spoken of by Joseph Smith, again in the Lectures on Faith:
...we next proceed to treat of the knowledge which persons must have that the course of life which they pursue is according to the will of God, in order that they may be enabled to exercise faith in him unto life and salvation. 
This knowledge supplies an important place in revealed religion; for it was by reason of it that the ancients were enabled to endure as seeing him who is invisible. An actual knowledge to any person that the course of life which he pursues is according to the will of God, is essentially necessary to enable him to have that confidence in God, without which no person can obtain eternal life. It was this that enabled the ancient saints to endure all their afflictions and persecutions, and to take joyfully the spoiling of their goods, knowing (not believing merely) that they had a more "enduring substance" (Heb. 10:34). 
Having the assurance that they were pursuing a course which was agreeable to the will of God, they were enabled to take, not only the spoiling of their goods and the wasting of their substance joyfully, but also to suffer death in its most horrid forms; knowing (not merely believing) that when this earthly house of their tabernacle was dissolved, they had a building of God, a house "not made with hands, eternal in the heavens" (2 Cor. 5:1). 
Such was, and always will be, the situation of the saints of God, that unless they have an actual knowledge that the course that they are pursuing is according to the will of God, they will grow weary in their minds and faint; for such has been, and always will be, the opposition in the hearts of unbelievers and those that know not God, against the pure and unadulterated religion of heaven (the only thing which ensures eternal life), that they will persecute to the uttermost all that worship God according to his revelations, receive the truth in the love of it, and submit themselves to be guided and directed by his will, and drive them to such extremities that nothing short of an actual knowledge of their being the favorites of heaven, and of their having embraced that order of things which God has established for the redemption of man, will enable them to exercise that confidence in him necessary for them to overcome the world, and obtain that crown of glory which is laid up for them that fear God. 
For a man to lay down his all, his character and reputation, his honor and applause, his good name among men, his houses, his lands, his brothers and sisters, his wife and children, and even his own life also, counting all things but filth and dross for the excellency of the knowledge of Jesus Christ, requires more than mere belief or supposition that he is doing the will of God, but actual knowledge; realizing that when these sufferings are ended he will enter into eternal rest, and be a partaker of the glory of God. 
For unless a person does know that he is walking according to the will of God, it would be offering an insult to the dignity of the Creator were he to say that he would be a partaker of his glory when he should be done with the things of this life. But when he has this knowledge, and most assuredly knows that he is doing the will of God, his confidence can be equally strong that he will be a partaker of the glory of God.
Let us here observe, that a religion that does not require the sacrifice of all things, never has power sufficient to produce the faith necessary unto life and salvation; for from the first existence of man, the faith necessary unto the enjoyment of life and salvation never could be obtained without the sacrifice of all earthly things; it was through this sacrifice, and this only, that God has ordained that men should enjoy eternal life; and it is through the medium of the sacrifice of all earthly things, that men do actually know that they are doing the things that are well pleasing in the sight of God. When a man has offered in sacrifice all that he has for the truth's sake, not even withholding his life, and believing before God that he has been called to make this sacrifice, because he seeks to do his will, he does know most assuredly that God does and will accept his sacrifice and offering, and that he has not nor will not seek his face in vain. Under these circumstances then, he can obtain the faith necessary for him to lay hold on eternal life. (Lectures on Faith, Lecture 6)
The extent of everything that has been laid up on that altar is known only to me and God. And no one will know. Some were put there of my own choosing, and some were the choice offered me by others. I will say that my character and reputation were hard enough to let go. I used to care a great deal what other people thought of me. I had to put that aside when I began this blog.

On a mountain that particular sabbath morning in summer that I mentioned at the beginning of this section, I received a promise from God. Two days later I witnessed the sign He said would come to confirm it to me (the particulars I have not shared with anyone, nor do I plan to in the knowable future). Because of this I know my standing before Him. And I know that God keeps His promises. No one can change, or take that from me, despite what they may think. No one can thwart a promise of God.

This occurrence is not widely understood, but by a few in the church anymore. It can be studied in 2 Peter 1:10, and in the words of Joseph Smith (which I have quoted in other posts), who encouraged all to receive it.

What the...what?!

I have been comforted and even joyous in the Spirit of God that has been with me to this day. He continues to show me I am not alone, just as He promised. He continues to shed His love on me. I do not lack for temples (I did mention the mountain), I do not lack for sacraments (I partook of the sacrament every day for 4 days before I was misjudged and cast out, and I partake of it still in the way the scriptures dictate), I do not lack for garments (would you rather wear the symbol, or the thing it actually symbolizes?), and apparently I do not lack for gifts of the Spirit.

As I said a prayer in my heart a few nights ago, something occurred that has been occurring for months that I couldn't account for, and had been dismissing until this point. I asked God about it (since I was in the middle of a prayer) and understood that this was a gift of the Spirit. Sure enough, I remembered this particular thing being listed in Moroni's list of gifts of the Spirit and those accounted for in the D&C.

Hence, my heading for this section... It took me by surprise, and I felt a bit silly when the answer came. It was pretty obvious, now that I look back.

God is so good. I thank Him for His goodness and His ways. I will trust in Him.

The Message

I add my witness again that God is speaking to us now, to restore again the restoration. To take seriously the things that were given to us through Joseph Smith the prophet. To call us to repentance and turn us back to Him, away from our unbeliefs so that we might have real faith in Him once again.

Monday, December 28, 2015

An Account of Miraculous Healing: Six weeks ago I experienced a miracle...

Just over a month ago, I met a woman at a wedding celebration of a mutual friend of ours. I had never met her before, but I had heard of her. More particularly, I had heard that she was coming from out of state for a blessing of healing from her friends. I saw her after this blessing occurred and saw a woman who seemed quite well, doing things she hadn't done in years. I was thrilled to hear her story, and her testimony of God's goodness. Now that she has shared it, I wanted to share it here as well. Included below is a copy of her account in her own words.

God is a God of miracles. I feel blessed for having read her account, and I hope you do as well.

You can read another account of miraculous healing that has occurred to one of my friends here.


Six weeks ago I experienced a miracle.

I wish I could say that and that could be enough. It is the most complete description of the truth of what I’ve experienced, and yet it is still severely lacking in depth and breadth. The idea that “truth needs to be experienced” has really hit home as I’ve pondered how to write this. How do I adequately describe what I have experienced? How do I begin to do justice to a miracle? A miracle! I wish I had more than just words, but I do believe the spirit can make up where I – and my words – lack.

So what is this miracle? I was healed of multiple incurable diseases – diseases that could only be managed through multiple medications for the rest of my life. Even on those medications I was what I call “chair bound” (i.e., I could still walk to the bathroom and my chair in the living room, but I was that close to being bedridden), and I was in that state for more than a year. I was healed in one night, and the next day was off all medications without any symptoms of withdrawal, or of the diseases they were treating. I can’t adequately portray how much of a miracle this healing has been without first explaining the extremity of the circumstance I was in. So please bear with me as I share that unpleasantness; I promise this won’t end till you’ve also read the joy and happiness. It really is necessary to see the full contrast to understand the magnitude of the gift I have received.

A little of the background story: Sometime around age 15-17 I developed a benign tumor on my pituitary gland at the base of my brain. It was tiny, about the size of half a pencil eraser, and it stayed that way. But despite being small and non-cancerous, it produced hormones all on its own that worked outside of the normal feedback loop of checks and balances within my body. These were very powerful hormones that affect almost every organ, system and function within the body, and they do a great deal of damage in excess. I was lucky that mine remained mild for years, because I was able to survive that long (Cushing’s disease has an undiagnosed mortality rate averaging 5 years, and I had it for over 17 years). And yet I was also unlucky that it remained mild, because it wasn’t so extreme as to be demanding of attention and get caught—until after all those years, when my body seemed to suddenly lose the ability to fight off the damage anymore. I went downhill very, very quickly. 

It still took a few years to get to the right specialists in other states, get a definitive diagnosis and treatment – neurosurgery. This is a long and complicated story I’m trying to shorten, so let’s just say that surgery didn’t fully work. Then about 9 months later, due to the fallout from surgery, the cells causing my Cushing’s disease appeared to die off (thanks to Empty Sella Syndrome) but so did the pituitary cells that make other necessary hormones.

It required me to replace multiple hormones, with the knowledge that it would be this way for the rest of my life. They were a pain, some literally so, and it was so complex that it required me to set timers on my phone so I wouldn’t forget a dose or take the wrong hormone one of the 4-5 times a day I dealt with medication. To replace what my body no longer made, I had to take pills at least three different times of the day (not just three of the same pill either). I had to spray a rather specialized hormone up my nose 3 times a day. And I had to inject a hormone into my stomach every night before bed. Because of all this I was surviving; despite all this, my quality of life was horrible.

I would wake up, will myself out of bed, use the restroom, get dressed while sitting on my bed, then move out to my chair in the living room where I would sit, aside from a very few trips to the restroom, until it was time to head back to bed. My food and drink was brought to me. My children were taught and supervised from this chair. I didn’t leave the house except for doctors’ appointments. I didn’t drive. I didn’t cook (which I LOVE!). I didn’t clean. I couldn’t. We had to buy a shower chair over a year ago with a shower nozzle that had a hand-held head, and my husband had to help me every time. When I did need to travel for medical appointments, etc., I had to use wheelchair assistance because I couldn’t physically stand in line or walk those distances. 

My social life was made up of purely digital communication, with the exceptions being my husband, children, and my mother. I couldn’t participate in any of the things I had enjoyed before. I couldn’t practice the skills or talents I had learned and enjoyed. Reading was hard. Writing was hard. Concentrating was hard. Remembering was impossible. And I don’t mean any of this lightly or figuratively. It was literal brain damage caused by over a decade of disease. I went over a month without leaving the front door of my home (amazing I didn’t have doctors’ appointments or lab work in that time!). Immediately upon standing, I’d feel like my head was going to implode, with immense pressure (yet low blood pressure I had to take medication to raise), a headachey feeling, some dizziness, nausea, pulse pounding, etc. I couldn’t “do” even if I had the energy (which I didn’t). All the things I’d used to create the picture of who I abilities, skills, hobbies, talents, activities, friends, productivity, independence, etc.,...all of it was gone.

On top of all that, I felt ill on a constant basis. Each day was different, or even each hour within the day, but it was constant. I would say my baseline “good” was akin to a healthy person’s “home sick with the flu” (or insert migraine, sinus infection, really bad cold, or all of the above). Nausea, headaches, aches, pains, debilitating fatigue, lack of concentration, a need for sleep yet inability to get any that is restful, and physical rest not bringing recovery, etc. Imagine for a minute how you’ve felt when sick like that. Imagine it going on, every day for years, with no cure and no respite. Think about how hard it would be to be kind when you have no energy and feel SO badly. My husband frequently would tell me he was glad I was a naturally kind person to begin with. ;) Imagine how hard it would be to be happy when you get no relief, when your biggest joys in life are also your biggest stressors (kids!), and you have no means of “getting away” nor an outlet for release like you used to have (music, hanging out with friends, reading, cooking, etc.). And those were the good days. I can’t describe the bad ones. 

So, take all of that in. Years of suffering. The only hope given you is that you will somehow hit the ever-moving target with your various hormone replacements and feel a bit better, for a while, till the target moves again. For the rest of your life, you’ll be where you are now. You’ll slowly recover from some of the damage done from the years that tumor was active, but you don’t know how much of that is permanent and you can’t actively work on any of it in this state. This new conglomerate of hormone diseases causes its own brand of fun, so it’s really bad on top of worse. Can you get a glimpse of what my life was just 5 weeks ago? This was it. I know it feels awful just to even read about it. No one wants to hear it. Friends,’s too depressing for them so you stop sharing and become yet more isolated. It is hard to fathom and hard to hear or read about. It was even harder to live.

I believed the scriptures when they said God is a God of miracles. That God is unchanging, and no respecter of persons. That Christ truly did perform all those miracles when He was on the earth, and so did his prophets and apostles as recorded in scripture and in Joseph Smith’s day. I believed it to be true, so I prayed countless hours for healing, for direction, for relief, for understanding. My name was added to temple prayer rolls. I received countless priesthood blessings. Still I went through the gamut of natural and allopathic medicine. I did receive help and guidance, but still I was left with this empty shell of a life.
Mormon 9:24 says: “And these signs shall follow them that believe – in my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues; they shall take up serpents and if they drink any deadly thing it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick and they shall recover;”

Moroni is teaching that miracles, including healing, will be seen among believers in Christ.

And D&C 42:48 says: “And again, it shall come to pass that he that hath faith in me to be healed, and is not appointed unto death, shall be healed.” 

I was a very “good” Mormon who lived by what I was taught. I believed. I acted. I hoped. I tried. I plead and even tried to strike a bargain with God. I gave my will over to Him. It seemed I wasn’t appointed to death, and at times I would have a very clear feeling that things would be okay regardless of what I was going through, yet there I sat sick and unable to truly live. So why weren’t these prayers, fasts, priesthood blessings, etc. working? 

Moroni answered my question in Mormon 9:19-21: “And if there were miracles wrought then, why has God ceased to be a God of miracles and yet be an unchangeable Being? And behold, I say unto you he changeth not; if so he would cease to be God; and he ceaseth not to be God, and is a God of miracles. 
“And the reason why he ceaseth to do miracles among the children of men is because that they dwindle in unbelief, and depart from the right way, and know not the God in whom they should trust. 
“Behold, I say unto you that whoso believeth in Christ, doubting nothing, whatsoever he shall ask the Father in the name of Christ it shall be granted him; and this promise is unto all, even unto the ends of the earth.”

So somehow I had dwindled in unbelief, departed from the right way, and didn’t really know the God I should trust? Ouch. Here were my thoughts on that before:

Unbelief – I believed in God and Christ, definitely. And I believed they had the power to heal.

Departed the right way – I was doing everything I had been taught was right and needful.

Didn’t know the God I should trust – Well, I certainly hadn’t met Him! But I studied my scriptures, believed in Him, had felt the promptings of the spirit, and thought I knew a great deal of His character and attributes.

Well, let’s just say my accounting of things wasn’t exactly accurate. God helped me to realize that this is a lot more accurate:
There was a lot of unbelief still in my life. I learned to define “unbelief” not as a lack of belief (disbelief) but a mixture of false ideas and truth. A truth that is a little off is still a little off. I had to begin a deep cleaning, of sorts, to have sufficient faith for this miracle to happen in my life. Faith has to be grounded in truth, or it is merely unbelief. Miracles are wrought by faith.

I hadn’t exactly departed the “right way” in that I was guilty of some grievous sin; it was more like unknowing omission. Because of those unbeliefs, those precepts of men mingled with scripture that I’d accepted as truth, I wasn’t worshiping in the way God intended for me. I was allowing the precepts of men to override scripture, and the spirit’s own voice in my life. And that had to change for me to be “in the right way.”

I had knowledge of and a belief in God, as stated above, but Joseph taught in The Lectures on Faith that in order to have “faith in God unto salvation,” you need a correct understanding of the character and attributes of God. Again those unbeliefs, especially ones related to illness, suffering and learning, were keeping me from a more accurate understanding of God, and thus true faith in God that would bring about miracles.

And in all this I want to pause and be clear that I don’t mean to give the impression that I somehow “accomplished” my healing...that I had anything to do with it, really. I do believe that all blessings are predicated upon eternal law, and when we live by those laws, our God eagerly blesses us, to the utmost of His ability, with all that is good for us. I think of it more as having to get out of God’s way and let Him do His if we listen and obey His word, His hand is visible in our lives. When I share the story of the night I was healed, you’ll recognize as I do that it wasn’t me at all. I know full well that I cannot boast of myself. That I could not have caused any of this to happen. I acknowledge fully that it was and is Christ’s love and grace only that performed this work.

So back to all those unbeliefs. What were they? Well, sadly, there were a lot of them (probably still are). But I’ll share some of the ones that I believe were instrumental in my ability to ask for and accept healing by faith.

The belief I had to let go of, that I believe had the greatest impact, was the idea that I somehow had to be worthy of Christ’s healing (add forgiveness, love, help, atonement, grace, etc.). The idea that I had to meet some arbitrary cutoff of “righteousness” before He could perform His work. I felt unworthy, and frankly I am, but the Lord can make up for all of that – that is the WHOLE point!

I had been taught to think of righteousness as a check-off list. If I’d said my prayers, read my scriptures, went to church on Sunday, partook of the Lord’s Supper, served in my callings, etc., then I was “righteous” and would be blessed accordingly. It’s called legalism by the Christian world, and really, it’s the exact form of worship the Pharisees practiced. They were exact in their worship, and yet their hearts were so far from their Lord that they didn’t even recognize Him when He walked among them. They didn’t recognize His teachings either. If we think we are somehow better than those who have come before us, we are sorely mistaken. We have the same issues, the same faults and frailties.

I had to realize that this idea was holding me back. It was a form of denying Christ, when you really get down to the nitty gritty. I looked at myself as sufficiently unworthy that even He couldn’t make up the difference. It sounds absurd to say it out loud, but really, that is exactly what I was saying, even if in different words. I had to realize that is what I was saying, and reading the scriptural accounts of the Savior performing miracles and healings during his life really helped me erase those ideas. In almost every account, the Lord forgave sin as He healed. He often cast out devils and demons. In my checklist of righteousness scenario, could someone having sins that needed forgiving be “worthy”? Could someone tormented by devils and demons be “worthy” and righteous by those standards? Obviously the Lord didn’t judge others the same way I was judging myself.

You see, Christ has already paid the price. It is done. Why would you put a gift that was already given to you freely on layaway? I truly believe that this is one of the biggest lies the adversary can tell those who believe...that you aren’t worthy enough. Because while you recognize your need for a Savior, you simultaneously place yourself out of His reach. And you do so ONLY by your own unbelief.

Another unbelief I had to reconcile was the idea that somehow I was meant to suffer. Maybe I was supposed to be this sick? I don’t know where this idea comes from. Maybe it is from the idea that we have to suffer with and like Christ? Maybe it is related to the belief that this life is for our experience and learning? I do believe that is true still, but how long does it take to learn a lesson? And if we’ve learned a lesson, can we then not be freed from the thorn in our flesh? Maybe it comes from the ideas of sin and penance? When we go back prior to the Latin translations of the Bible, sin and repentance take on a very different light...more like “missing the mark” and “re-aiming.” There is no extra shame, suffering, etc beyond what the choices themselves bring – we missed the target and it can be as simple as setting our sights and trying again. Remember, the price is paid. And did Christ turn away those who sought healing? No. He healed them. So why would I think He would turn me away? 

When I was preparing for my healing, I spent time every day pondering over the things I had learned because of my illness. What had it taught me and what had it stripped away? And I prayed daily that if there was something I needed to learn through the illness, that if I hadn’t already learned it, I would learn it quickly. I prayed to know what unbeliefs were holding me back. I prayed to know if I had somehow given permission for this illness to take hold of me, and to remove that permission if it existed.

Something interesting to learn was that just as some believe that God performed miracles and those “signs that follow them that believe” in the past but that He doesn’t really do that now...I had fallen into almost an opposite trap, thinking there weren’t really devils and demons now. Certainly not associated with illness. lol I mean, I knew there was a devil, and thus demons, etc., but I somehow imagined if I encountered one, I’d know without a doubt that I had. But I hadn’t applied my understanding that all things physical are also spiritual. And if there were demons and devils and spirits tormenting people in Christ’s day that He had to cast out for them to be healed, then there was surely some spiritual darkness associated with my illness. This paradigm change is still a bit odd to me. I am not “sighted”, I don’t see spirits, so I don’t “know” this in any tangible way; I just had to be willing to be open to the concept. And of course if there were demons, fiery darts of the devil, or darkness of some sort keeping me from healing, I wanted them gone! I mean, ew! Really.

I think I also had to release the idea that I wasn’t healed before because I just didn’t have enough faith. I’d been told this over and over again by just about everyone that spoke to me about it. Again, right back to some magical marker and me not making the cut. I had gotten to the point, before I set my mark on being healed all at once and for real, that when people would say that I would say “Well then how do I get enough?” It felt like they were saying to me “Well, we don’t know the answer, so we will just blame you.” It always felt that way. They knew no solution, but I was the problem. Of course, I now understand that I had some unbelief in there I had to correct, but no one suggested that was an issue...just a lack of amount of faith, or strength of faith. So vague and disparaging. I think the idea of blaming the one struggling is horrible to begin with. Are we that uncharitable? How does that help? 

Wow, I wish someone had taught me these things a good 4 (heck, 15) years ago. So please, if you suffer in any way or feel you lack faith in some way, ask God if these things are true for you and what false precepts you might have accepted as truth. If you’re willing to accept what He tells you, He will answer. Pray about it, listen, and search the scriptures. Actually, read them for what they actually say, too. Going into scripture with preconceived ideas of what they are telling you (like that the blessings are somehow figurative and future, etc.) just doesn’t get you far.

Then how did I gain “enough faith”? Well, you already know that I started to correct false beliefs. That led me to a more accurate understanding of the nature and character of God, and of my relationship to Him. I was able to trust Him more. But really, I don’t think I had more of it, or that it was stronger. It was just more true. In fact, the night I was healed, I had zero expectation of it working at that time. Yet it did. It wasn’t me.

I will say that I acted in faith, though. I think it really is a decision more than some obscure mystical power. I had watched my friend get healed this summer of another debilitating, incurable disease. I love her so much. Watching her suffer, with her pure heart and generous, giving character, was hard to do. I prayed for her as she set a date for her healing. I was many states away, and horribly ill at the time, but I pored over all the accounts of her healing from our mutual friends that were present for her healing. I got to see what an impact it had on her life, how her doctor reacted, etc. It was pure joy. It really happened. I had watched it all from afar, but I was aware of it all as it happened...the before, the preparations, the after. Miracles still do happen.

So I chose to believe I could be healed. I could have easily said “I’m not as ____ as her so I can’t be healed.” And I would be entirely correct in saying that. I don’t think I’m on par with her. Luckily I’m not the judge. I also know full well that if I had said that, it would have been self-fulfilling prophecy. I would have been rejecting Christ’s gift because of unbelief and I may not have even asked. Instead, because I’d cleared out some such unbeliefs, I chose to have hope that it would happen. Is that “fake it till you make it”? Probably. But it worked once I had my foundation of truth to back it up. Each day, along with the prayer and pondering, I also actively chose to plan for a future where I would be healed. I set a date for a group healing prayer. I made plans that would require my healing. I changed my language to reflect it... “When I am better...” instead of “IF I ever get better...” “When I am healed...” And I started to visualize what being healed might actually feel like, what it might look like. I pictured myself cooking again, cleaning again, being able to dance around the living room to music with my kids, etc. When I set the date for my healing, I was going to be attending a celebration of marriage for my friend who was healed this summer, and I began to visualize myself dancing at her celebration (in the same trip, just two days after my healing). I was able to really start looking forward to being healed with anticipation. I can’t say there was no concern that it wouldn’t work, that I’d go through all this and still be sick. I mean, how abnormal is that idea in this world? It’s pretty weird. People might say foolish or ignorant. But I tried to brush those thoughts aside when they would come because I knew faith and fear cannot coexist. I also prayed often that the Lord’s faith and power would cover my lack, and I continued to hope and plan that I would indeed be healed. I really think faith can be that simple; we are the ones that complicate it. Find truth, decide to act on it, and then expect it’ll all work out (i.e., fake it till you make it). 

And really, like I said, my healing didn’t happen when I expected it to, it happened as I was preparing. I had been doing all those things above, along with whatever the spirit directed me individually to do. I had set a date for when I would be among the friends and loved ones who had participated in my friend’s healing that summer, traveling to join them for the wedding celebration. As the day drew closer, I was sad that my husband and children wouldn’t be a part of it, because we couldn’t afford the $800 airfare for all of us. It was a sacrifice to buy my ticket alone. This was going to work, and it would be big, right? And I wanted my children especially to experience what isn’t something that happens every day and I wanted them to have a firsthand view, not just the before and after. So the Monday before my trip (I was flying out Thursday morning with my healing prayer gathering Thursday evening) I told my husband I felt like we needed to do at home what would be done there. It would be smaller because it was just us and our children, and shorter for sure, but that way they could feel they had participated in it. I seriously didn’t even consider that THIS might heal me, I was just thinking that it was experience my children needed. But I’d received the prompting, and we acted on it.

So before bed we gathered in the living room and I moved off my chair onto the floor. My husband and children gathered around me, all touching me somehow, and each prayed when they felt to and with whatever words they felt to use. They were brief as is typical for young children age 3-12, and the 3 year old even disappeared down the hallway at some point. There were prayers for my healing, that I could lead a good life, etc. I don’t remember a ton of details. When my 8 year old son prayed, he specifically cast out demons and devils in Jesus’ name. We had spoken of such things before, but he had never witnessed such a thing, so I was a bit amazed by that. Then my 7 year old son prayed after him and cast out “the darkness that caused Cushing’s” in Jesus’ name. My husband prayed last and I don’t remember much aside from him asking the Lord to fill me with light. Again, aside from those specifics, these were all typical prayers like we’ve said a hundred times. 

After we had all prayed, my husband placed some frankincense oil on a stone, asked the Lord in prayer to consecrate it for my healing, and then put the stone on my forehead as I laid down on the floor for a while. That sounds unusual perhaps, because we’re so used to a rigid set of rules and expectations, but oils were consecrated and used throughout the scriptures. Stones were as well. When reading of the miracles in the New Testament, all kinds of methods were used...everything from touching the hem of a garment, words alone, water, mud, even sending a handkerchief or apron to someone who was ill (i.e., not physically present). The Lord obviously didn’t constrain Himself to one method only. We just did as the spirit prompted.

A day or two before, I’d been talking with a friend in Colorado about my healing preparations, and she lamented that she wasn’t able to be there. As we spoke, she was reminded of an occasion where she felt prompted to pick up a stone as she was walking. She obeyed. Later, she felt prompted to put frankincense and myrrh on it. Yet later, she was with a friend who felt like there was some kind of block making it hard for her to hear answers to her prayers, and as they talked, she felt she was to pray over this stone, and this woman, and place it upon her forehead. When they did so, the woman felt an immediate popping sensation and her issue was gone. My friend said she had completely forgotten about that experience until we were talking, and she was a little...embarrassed I guess?...about having shared it because it was kind of weird. I felt that it was brought to her memory and shared with me for a reason. I felt like I too needed to do something like that. We didn’t own myrrh, but we did have frankincense, so we did what we could and as the spirit directed when the time came.

Unlike her friend, I didn’t feel an immediate pop. I didn’t feel different. I stayed there on my back on the floor for a few minutes with the stone on my head, thinking and inwardly praying. Then as often happens, kids get restless and life goes on, so after a while I got up and sat back in my chair, thinking nothing of it. We followed our usually evening routine of reading scriptures and praying as a family, the kids were sent to bed, and as I got up from my chair to retire for the night myself, I noticed that I didn’t feel the immediate throbbing, head-imploding feeling. It took a few seconds to click, and then in somewhat disbelief, I had to test it out! I stood there, I walked around. I was used to making my way as efficiently as possible to where I was going – trips to other rooms were planned well so I could do everything in one swoop – and here I was pacing around for no reason. My husband came to the family room to get some luggage from the attic so I could start the next day to pack for my trip, and was amazed to see me just standing there. I told him why, half laughing, half crying. That may seem like a small thing, but it had made it impossible for me to stand or walk for so long. This was a HUGE deal. This was life-changing. I then walked into my children’s rooms because I wanted them to know that their prayers had really worked. They responded with an annoyed “Well duh, mom, we prayed for it.” And even complained that I was keeping them awake to tell them. I was shocked, they weren’t!

The next day I tested it out carefully, but I moved more, stood more, etc. It was amazing! I still had no muscles from all the bone/muscle metabolism of Cushing’s disease and the atrophy of hypopituitarism mixed with being chair-bound, but if I could stand and move, fixing that was now possible. And in the morning, I also realized I had forgotten to take some of my evening medications the night before, and I felt I should not take it then either, so I stopped all those hormones cold-turkey. I should have felt that within about 4 hours (i.e., the night before), and I should have been feeling SUPER sick by the next morning for sure...but I didn’t. And I really mean it, without these hormones, I couldn’t really sleep, get out of bed, and could have landed myself in the hospital (or worse)....but no. As a healthy person going off such medications, I should have experienced withdrawal symptoms at the very least, pretty nasty ones, and I didn’t. So hard to believe! I mean, I lived through it so I know, but it is still hard to believe!

I can’t remember exactly what I did each day, but I continued to do more in the two days before I flew out. On one of them I drove to the store. I drove for the first time in a year. And I walked around the store before my trip because now I needed actual walking shoes! A trip like that, even if brief, would have wiped me out for at least a week. It did make me tired, but I rested and felt fine after just minutes. I recovered THE SAME DAY! Wow! So unreal. So hard to believe after my body had been so abnormal for so long.

When I traveled on Thursday, I did leave the wheelchair assistance request on my ticket...but I walked WAY more. My calves practically burned due to all the activity. They weren’t injured, just sore from the sudden and drastic change in usage, but I wanted to make use of this newfound gift. After a full day of flying, I made it to my friends’ house, ate a very quick bite of dinner, and then people started showing up for the healing blessing. Everyone was shocked as each time someone else arrived, I jumped up to hug and greet them. There were many people there and many prayers and blessings were offered, so I’ll just give an overview of what was done and a few highlights of what was said.

After everyone we expected had arrived, children and all, we gathered in the living room. We sang a few hymns, said a prayer, and then blessed and partook of the Lord’s Supper as He instituted it in scripture. We’ve changed the meaning over time of “a sacrament” (D&C 89 says “sacraments” plural) to be synonymous with the Lord’s Supper, but in the time the bulk of our D&C was given it had a different meaning (in fact, the Lord’s Supper is the fourth and last-listed usage of the term in the 1828 Webster’s). A healing blessing can be “a sacrament.” An oath or ordinance is a sacrament. A wedding is a sacrament – thus Christ’s turning water into wine for the wedding at Cana. I noticed I was able to kneel normally during the sacrament without pain. That was brand new.

After we partook of the sacrament, they asked that I tell my story with my illness. And these friends wanted to know it all, to really understand what I’d been suffering with. This is NOT normal, I’ve almost never had someone ask for details, or how it impacted my daily life, or how it made me feel emotionally/spiritually. I kept feeling like I was sharing too much, because that had been my experience, and they kept urging me to go on, asking me to share more, to share it all. They asked a lot of questions. Someone asked if I thought I’d learned any lessons through my illness, so we discussed that a bit (yes, I definitely had). Another asked what I expected/desired from this healing and I explained that I wanted to be able to function as a wife and mother, to do things I enjoyed, to cook and clean, and that I had been envisioning myself dancing at our friends’ wedding celebration that weekend. I was asked if I thought I could let it go.

When everyone felt they had an understanding and had had an opportunity to ask their questions, a chair was placed in the center of the room for me to sit on, and just like in our prayer circle at home, people gathered around with most touching me in some way. And we began prayers and blessings.

Someone felt to consecrate some oil and place it on my head. All prayers invoked the name of Christ, asking Him to heal, to cleanse, to bless, to fill with light and to cast out darkness. Now and then others felt led to place specific oils on my skin. One simple blessing stated that my “sins were forgiven me.” A friend whispered in my ear at some point “Give Him what He paid for.” We received witness that there were loved ones beyond the veil there to support and help from the spiritual realm. One friend felt to seal upon me the healing that had already occurred in the days beforehand. I prayed silently almost the entire time, adding my prayers and pleading and acceptance to those being shared verbally. And I did pray verbally as well...a long, slow prayer. I would say what was in my heart, then pause to listen and think, say what came next, etc.

Another friend felt inspired to pronounce a blessing, and felt she wasn’t strong enough to do so on her own, so people stood with her, adding their love and support, as she laid hands on me as women did in the time of Joseph Smith, and pronounced a blessing. The destroyer was cast out and rebuked in Jesus’ name. He was there, with his sword, to protect me and cast it out. The devil/demon/darkness that was in me was told to leave and to leave no trace behind. And there was a shift felt by many in the room at this time. Then words were spoken that remind me that while Christ is Lord, He is also my friend, with a sense of humor, and full of love and compassion. I feel odd saying “she said” because the reality is that I knew who was speaking, and it wasn’t the person giving voice to the words. He told me there was no such thing as praying too fact, He teased me about it! He said “Go ahead and try to talk my ear off!” as if He was taunting me. Yes, He is REAL and He has a sense of humor. And He speaks to you in your own language. He told me He had an ear for me and loved to hear from me. Did I mention I bawled the whole night? Yeah. I’m a crier. I’m crying writing this now, because it is so real for me, so awe-inspiring, and so very much a part of me now.

One of my friends actually had to shout between prayers “I HAVE SO MUCH LOVE FOR ALL YOU PEOPLE!” This room was filled with love. God is love. Charity is the pure love of Christ. Perfect love casteth out all fear. Where two or more are gathered together in my name, there will I be in the midst of them. These scripture quotes are true. We witnessed it that night. I do not believe what happened could have happened in any other environment than one of love unfeigned. Our hearts really were knit together in love. And I think there is a spiritual bond that is created when that happens. I feel like I am eternally tied to these people. I really there is an invisible cord of love that runs from my heart to theirs like a big heavenly spider web. It is like our spirits have touched. I don’t know how to explain that. I don’t think I have words that can do a better job. I’ve felt it with individuals before, but this was a whole room of people, at once.

Prayers continued. One friend touched my head, neck, forehead, ears, etc., as she prayed that all spiritual blockages would be removed, that my glands and organs would begin to heal and function. Some prayed silently and told me later some of the impressions they received while there. One friend prayed that my heart might be healed, like there was a spiritual wall there due to past hurts...kind of like a coping mechanism that has outgrown its welcome and has become a hindrance. Christ was asked to heal that wound, protect my heart, and help remove the wall. Another friend felt to speak directly to my organs and glands. To tell them they were not fulfilling the measure of their creation, that we had removed the obstacles that were keeping them from doing their job so they could now function properly. They were told that if they had forgotten how because it had been so long since they were able to, that these cells could ask God who created them and taught them from the beginning, how to perform their work, they were told to obey Him and to begin to function fully and well without any further thought from me. So much was said, it was overwhelming. I wish we had a recorder or someone transcribing what was said for my own personal study and records. I wrote down what I could remember in the days following, and asked others to do the same, in the hopes that I wouldn’t forget.

It was a long and tiring day, and a long and spiritually/emotionally draining night, but I was lighter. I was floating. I don’t think I slept too much that night. When I got up in the morning, I showered. On my own, without a chair and without it wiping me out at all! That day, 4 days after the initial healing, my calf pain disappeared completely. The Lord gave me new calves in 4 days! My lower back and heels then started hurting instead, due to all the standing and walking. And I hoped that that too would only last for four days, but I think it was closer to 12. Maybe that’s symbolic. Anyway, that day I walked round and round in a store, helped wash dishes by hand, felt what “normal” dehydration feels like for the first time (and recovered in less than an hour through fluids and rest!), and had a great day. And each day I just did more and more and more. It was crazy! It still is crazy! Crazy good! The evening of the wedding celebration, my friend (whose celebration it was) that had been healed that summer from chronic Lyme disease jumped up and the two of us danced together. It was silly, fun, awkward, and beautiful. Many tears were shed. Two miracles, both of us so sick before, there dancing together.

Since then I’ve had realization after realization about new things I can do that I couldn’t before. The other day I ran up and down about 4 flights of stairs delivering homemade gifts to friends and family for Christmas, and I wasn’t even winded! I remarked about it to my husband, who said “You mean you feel normal”? in a somewhat teasing tone. It’s so true. I’m emotionally and spiritually lighter and happier. More at peace in my own skin. Definitely more so than four years ago when my illness really took a turn for the worse, possibly even more so than before the first signs appeared. I don’t know. It’s so surreal. I can exercise and recover quickly. I’ve made homemade bread almost every day since I got home. I’ve cooked and cleaned, I’ve done a ton of Christmas crafts (maybe I’m making up for lost time?), I’ve showered myself, I’ve driven, I’ve gone out to social events, I’ve chased kids under the mistletoe, I’ve deep-cleaned my kitchen and dining room, I’ve bought (and helped carry!) a treadmill, on and on and on. I’ve not touched medicine; I’ve had no need of it. I can feel muscles now that I couldn’t before. I haven’t dropped weight yet, but I’ve dropped clothing sizes. I’m losing measurable inches each week. I know muscles weigh more than fat, and since I can see and feel the changes, I’m just not going to worry about it. I welcome the muscles! My husband says I have a visible “bounce” to my step that he hasn’t seen in years. He says I’m more cheerful with a positive, playful mood. People tell me I look so much better. Actually, my hair is coming back in (I was half bald due to the hormone issues). I have color back in my face. My blood pressure and pulse are great – better than I could get them with medication. I sleep well at night, REALLY well. I dream. I recover from exertion and am getting a boost from it instead of a full-on crash like I have for years. I’ve been busy nonstop, sometimes not really sitting down for more than a few minutes until after dinner time. A friend at the celebration that first Saturday even said “I can hardly believe you were even sick!” And, that’s what it is like...I feel like I’m in a dream, or maybe like I just woke from a nightmare? How can I be this much better? How can it only take a week or two? It’s only been 5 even now! There are so many amazing changes, so many good things, and I keep finding more! The difference is SO night and day. It is miraculous!

I have heard it taught in church that miracles don’t really happen much anymore. If that is true, it’s to our own condemnation, as Moroni said...God has not changed. I’ve also heard people say that the reason we don’t hear of such miraculous events is because they are too sacred to share. What a pile of justifying horseshit! Excuse the profanities, but really, let’s call a spade a spade. I think only someone who hasn’t experienced the miraculous would say such a thing. I may not share all of what was said in the prayers, but I certainly can share that there were prayers and the result of them. Have we not read the scriptures? The first thing people turn around and do when they make contact with Heaven is tell everyone that will listen. It’s overwhelming to contain. When Alma spoke of the mighty change of heart in Alma 5, he asked “Have you felt to sing the song of redeeming love?” I’ve felt to sing that song. And let me tell you, when a song is stuck in your head, you can’t help but let it out. Our scriptures are full of “sacred” accounts that were shared over and over again. And they were shared so we could know the God we seek, see examples of people just as lowly as we are following “the right way” and parting the veil, and so we could have faith that it IS possible for us too. See how it all ties back into those verses I shared from Mormon 9? It’s a circle. I would not have been healed if it weren’t for someone else having been healed sharing those experiences. I too want to share so others can receive.

On my way home from a church women’s activity a week or two ago, I was thinking about how odd it had felt sitting there talking about normal things while it felt like my insides were about to burst and I wanted to shout out “God is a God of miracles! I’m living proof!” to a group of mostly strangers. Yeah, that wouldn’t have been weird or anything. ;) I’m not quite that brave, either. I had prayed that I would have the opportunity to share, and I did towards the end with a small group of women, and the spirit was strong and they were so receptive. But I was thinking as I drove home just how similar that feeling was (though at the opposite end of the spectrum) to how it feels “moving on with life” after losing a loved one. Life goes on around you; people act normal and say normal things. You almost feel like you are going through the motions but inside you feel like your heart has been ripped out and you feel like shouting “Don’t you see the world has changed? Can’t you feel the loss?” It is SO much like that. My world has changed so drastically. Can’t you feel the light? It’s so blatantly obvious that I cannot fathom others cannot see the miracle, and how are we not talking about it constantly? This is huge! It is hard to talk about normal life and go on with life as usual as if nothing has happened, and I just itch to share the goodness and mercy of my Lord. I want everyone who is suffering to receive healing! It is there for us, all of us, if we can but believe and ask for it.
“O then ye unbelieving, turn ye unto the Lord; cry mightily unto the Father in the name of Jesus, that perhaps ye may be found spotless, pure, fair, and white, having been cleansed by the blood of the Lamb, at that great and last day.” -Mormon 9:6

I wouldn’t say I am pure, spotless, fair, white or clean, but I have been cleansed and purified beyond what I was before, beyond what anything earthly could achieve. I now know that the Lord can heal in the same way that I know what hot is, because I’ve experienced it. That is the witness I share. I have felt that power and I have been touched by it in an undeniable, visible way. God is a God of Miracles. He healed me, and He can surely heal you. Ask. Trust in Him. You may think you’re not enough...but Jesus is.

Hosanna to God and the Lamb!

(Note from Sarah: before and after videos are linked at the bottom of her original post.)